


How To Court A Hobbit

by stravaganza



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Awkwardness, Cultural Differences, Dwarf Courting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Failing courting, Fluff, Hobbit Courting, Hobbit Culture, Kink Meme, M/M, Thilbo, bagginshield
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 14:35:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stravaganza/pseuds/stravaganza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill for The Hobbit Kink Meme: “I would like a fic where Thorin is just really really bad at flirting. And he tries really hard but somehow it just doesn’t work and he gets more and more frustrated which isn’t helping. It’s kind of ridiculous, really. He can face orcs and wargs and orcs ON wargs but whenever he tries to have a civil conversation with Bilbo the words somehow get switched around before he can speak them.</p><p>BONUS for him going to Balin for advice, Bilbo being totally oblivious (or totally in the know but not willng to help Thorn out just yet) and Gandalf being endlessly amused and dropping innuendos left and right.”</p><p>Now with a Chinese Translation! Link in the notes.</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Court A Hobbit

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Cómo cortejar a un hobbit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/624898) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)
  * Translation into Русский available: [Как ухаживать за хоббитом](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1386826) by [ho_ra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ho_ra/pseuds/ho_ra)



> Chinese translation here by the wonderful orange_s: http://www.mtslash.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=77994&page=1

At first he had tried to apologize for how he had treated the small Hobbit, who had revealed himself more useful than he thought him capable of, saving his life. He said he had regretted his words, and hugged the Halfling, but from that moment on everything sort of went downhill.

Thorin had tried many times to steal furtive touches, sometimes after gentle words, but one could only repeat the same compliment so many times before becoming suspect, and there was a reason if they had to hire a burglar. Luckily Bilbo didn’t seem to see through his behaviour – not yet.

Gandalf however seemed to be amused whenever Thorin talked with the Hobbit, and after a while it was clear that the Wizard knew perfectly what was going on. Thorin, the proud creature he was, didn’t admit he needed a bit of, let’s say, “help”.

Thorin ignored his chuckles that time he made a maybe-not-so-flattering comment about Bilbo’s height, or his disapproving scoffs that time he said something about Hobbit’s feet. And most definitely, he ignored his full-on laugh that time he had declared that perhaps he could fit himself in a Hobbit hole for a while, since they looked very comfortable, in particular Bilbo’s (to be honest, it took him a moment to realise what was so funny about it).

After that episode, Gandalf started with jokes of his own – about how Thorin’s sword was undoubtedly bigger than Bilbo’s, or that time he complimented Bilbo who had “learnt how to ride perfectly” with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

The Hobbit seemed not to notice all of this, and whenever Thorin talked to him and managed not to end up angering the creature it felt like a triumph to the Dwarves’ King.

Halfway during their permanency at Beorn’s house, Thorin was fed up with his own incompetence. He was, as said, a King! He wasn’t supposed to court others, others were supposed to pay to have a chance of getting his hand. But, well, that was in the past now. And in all his time away from home, from his throne, how to flirt with a Hobbit was something he had never worried about.

To his own dismay, he finally found himself asking Balin for advice, not trusting any of the other Dwarves – not clever enough, that lot, far too gossiping, and like hell he would ask Gandalf. When exposed with his problem, his old friend laughed and stroked his beard thoughtfully, in a way Thorin had learnt meant he was satisfied.

“I thought you were going to dance around that poor lad until the journey back,” Balin had said with a knowing voice, and Thorin wondered for a moment whether Gandalf had told him, or if he was just that obvious.

“What should I do? What are the best ways to court a Hobbit?” Thorin asked, impatiently, turning around to see Bilbo and Ori practicing with their swords together with Dwalin, who could easily keep up with both of them at the same time and laughed at them.

With no little admiration, Thorin watched as Bilbo managed to slid between Dwalin’s legs and hit his back with the side of his sword, to the tall Dwarf’s surprise.

Balin’s tutting had him turning around again, frowning as he was met by a placid smile. Wasn’t it clear that the matter was serious?

“Thorin, Hobbits are simple creatures – perhaps the most simple you’ll ever find. You just have to tell him.”

“But what if he doesn’t return the sentiment?” Thorin wondered, and Balin looked at him like he used to when he was a child, and the elder Dwarf was in charge of educating him. Thorin nodded, admitting silently he was behaving a bit like a child. If the sentiment was unrequited he would still act like a King. And leave the poor Halfling alone.

“Fine,” he decided, standing and resolutely heading towards Bilbo. The training session had ended for the moment, and Thorin saw this as the perfect occasion. The Hobbit was drinking a mug of ale to refresh himself as Ori and Dwalin went to ask Beorn’s sheeps for some food.

“That was a nice move,” he started saying, looking out of the window rather than at the Hobbit. “If we’re ever going to fight elves it will be very useful.”

Bilbo scoffed and Thorin considered for a moment hitting himself. And to say he hadn’t started that badly!

They stood in silence for a moment, and as Bilbo opened his mouth to say something, Thorin turned and proposed: “Let’s go for a walk in the garden. I noticed you like the flowers.”

Bilbo seemed surprised enough to accept, smiling, pleased that Thorin had noticed something about him that wasn’t his lack of fighting skills, or the number of times he had complained about missing his own bed. They walked for a while, still in silence, and Bilbo leant to touch a flower’s petal to feel its softness. That’s when Thorin decided to speak.

“I am interested in you,” he said. Bilbo turned around and rose an eyebrow, his face clearly saying: ‘Really, now?’

“Yes, I am. And I tried to find a way to let my desire-” no, wrong word, “my affection known, but Dwarves aren’t known for being a romantic people. The best I could do is compare you to gems and gold, but I’m sure a Hobbit would value more being compared to a good meal and a warm home.” The King turned around and faced Bilbo, kneeling in front of him so that his forehead was in line with the Hobbit’s neck. “I would be honoured if you were to consider me your companion.”

The air seemed to still around them for a moment, but it soon was shaken by a light laugh coming from the Halfling. Thorin didn’t know whether to feel hurt or not, yet.

“I would consider it an honour, too, if I weren’t already so chuffed for being the cause of such great frustration,” Bilbo said with a sly smirk.

A long pause followed, before Thorin finally asked: “How long have you known?”

Bilbo rolled his eyes and looked at his feet, still smiling, perhaps a bit more bashfully now. “Since Gandalf told me.” Bilbo didn’t say he was complaining about Thorin’s involuntarily offensive attempts at conversation when it happened. Thorin sighed, thinking he should have known better than thinking the wizard wouldn’t meddle in his business.

“And you didn’t think about saying so?” he asked.

Bilbo smiled candidly. “Why? It was fun to see you struggle with yourself. You’re really bad at this, you know?”

Thorin stood again and nodded, smiling back as he wrapped his arms around the Hobbit’s waist, pulling him closer. “Oh, I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please, consider buying me a coffee on [my ko-fi page](http://ko-fi.com/stravaganza)! I'd really appreciate your support!


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